


Falling Away With You

by Bellaway



Category: Muse (Band), My Chemical Romance
Genre: Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Falling In Love, Introversion, Lust, M/M, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellaway/pseuds/Bellaway
Summary: This must be what love at first sight felt like, lust at first sight? Fuck it. Whatever. I wanted him, I wanted him to be mine. I wasn’t about to let him walk away.“You don’t understand, you are amazing,” I stepped closer to him once more and he didn’t move so I leaned further into his space, my mouth now just above his ear, “let me show you.”
Relationships: Gerard Way/Matt Bellamy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. I Caught Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Non-beta'd because I have no friends. I will add tags as the story progresses.
> 
> Gerard's POV

The first moments after a show were always kind of a blur, well it was for me anyway. Between getting off stage and back to the dressing room somehow I had lost thirty minutes. It’s stuffy backstage you know, and hot from all the lighting, then there’s the pyrotechnics, it’s also fucking smokey. Not to mention the sheer amount of people, like so many people going this way and that, oh, and it’s loud, like so fucking loud. Especially since the band we had been supporting on this tour had already started playing. The adrenaline that I had felt while onstage had fizzled into something like contented exhaustion and all I really wanted now was a shower and maybe a smoke before I would be ready to sleep. 

We had been on tour for a few months now, this was the last show we had in this country, with this band. They were a cool-sounding band but the band members themselves hadn’t been much into socializing which, yeah I got that. I used to think our band kept to ourselves on tour but Muse had made me rethink that opinion altogether. Don’t get me wrong, they hadn’t been rude or anything they just kept to themselves off stage and only really nodded and smiled if any of us happened to see them backstage before or after their set. 

It didn't bother me, I just noticed and just, you know, went on with tour life. It had been an endless stream of travelling from one show to the next and I was tired, tired from travelling, tired from performing and- yeah I don’t know, maybe I just needed some time off. 

When I finally made it into the dressing room I was almost disappointed to see that Mikey and Frank were still there, having an animated discussion about something and I just stood there for a while watching them. 

“They’re so awesome!” Mikey gushed. “I don’t know how to describe it, man.” Frank just nodded along as Mikey talked, his eyes wide. I continued watching them both, it was weird seeing them act like this, just like the fans that we meet sometimes. 

“Yeah man, the way he plays the guitar and that control panel thingy, like what the actual fuck? So good.” Frank almost hopped on the spot as he spoke. Now I was curious, Mikey sure, he likes all sorts of music. Frank though, he was the self-appointed biggest fan of our band and here he was getting all excited Muse?

“Really, that good?” I asked, interrupting their fangirling? Fanguying? Whatever. I had heard a few of Muse’s songs, but only from backstage, never really stopped at all to actually listen. 

Frank and Mikey Both turned to look at me like I had grown an extra head or something. Then both at once, they started ranting about the guitar and the bass and the way the singer sings. Overwhelmed and maybe just not in the mood, I held up a hand and they both went back to their conversation about Muse, while Muse, who was still on stage could be heard over the top of them talking. 

I swapped my stage jacket for a normal one and washed my face in the sink, removing what was left of the makeup that I hadn’t sweat off while I was on stage. I ran my hand through my hair quickly while making sure I didn’t have anything left on my face. I pulled my watch from my pocket and glanced at the time as I slid it over my wrist. Muse was going to be on for another ten minutes, I didn’t really have much else to do so I figured what the hell? Might as well go and see just what all the fuss was about. 

I made my way back towards the stage, dodging the crew that was still running around like worker ants and found a spot stage right, where I could see the band on the stage. Their sound was huge, for just three band members it was impressive. Almost like they were playing for a different audience. My eyes wandered over the stage when they landed on the singer. It was almost like he was playing to the stratosphere. I had to close my mouth, I was in absolute fucking awe as I stood there watching him play with such fucking precision while singing with a voice that was so melodic, so hypnotic the sounds coming from his mouth, the notes just buzzed inside of my ears, I wanted to take all of this in forever. 

The singer turned his back to the crowd, escalating the song into a massive guitar solo. He walked up slowly towards the drum kit playing one of the most intricate guitar riffs I have ever seen. The way he played, it was expert. The sound that was coming from the amplifiers in the arena was absolutely flawless. I knew it was something he did night after night but like never, not in my whole life have I ever seen anyone play the guitar like that.

He was looking straight at the drummer, I saw the grin on his face as he sat on the bass drum, legs spread over each side, guitar still plugged into the amp, still playing the enormous riff, the drummer still drumming away. Then his eyes fluttered closed and he rolled his head in my direction, it was clear to see he was somewhere that was far away from this world. My heart skipped a beat and then I couldn't breathe. I was stunned. I wanted to know what it was, I wanted to know where he was, where his mind went to while he was on stage, while he was playing his guitar. No, that wasn't a guitar he was playing, it was a gateway to another world. 

The crowd behind him was going absolutely insane as the song crashed into the ending of their set and at last, he opened his eyes before he stood up abruptly from the drumkit and walked back to the microphone stand. “Thank you,” he said quickly and that surprised me a little. I hadn’t expected him to sound so nervous after the way he played, the way he sounded while he was singing, it was almost polar opposite to how I was on stage. How weird. How intriguing. 

He walked quickly towards my side of the stage, and my heartbeat started to speed up, what was I going to say him? Holy shit... He handed his guitar to the waiting tech, who exchanged the guitar for a water bottle and a hand towel which he pulled around his neck and then without even looking at me once he walked straight past me. 

I almost lost my nerve as he passed me by but then I caught the scent of him, his aftershave mixed in with his sweat and all of my senses leapt to the forefront of my brain. I had to talk to him, I couldn’t leave this tour tonight and have this be it. I needed to know his fucking name. The feeling crawling all over my insides I couldn’t ignore it. It caused me to turn around and run to catch up to him. 

He was walking away from me so fast but as he turned the corner I finally caught up to him. I stepped ahead of him and stood still, forcing him to either stop walking or crash into me. He stopped and looked up at me, a look on his face I thought might be confusion, it could have been annoyance too. Whatever. For a second there we just stared at each other. My brain left the conversation as I stared into his eyes, so fucking blue I was lost. I realised I was acting like a weirdo and I could see his patience was wearing thin. Somehow I just didn’t care, I had to tell him, had to talk to him. 

“You’re amazing,” I said and stepped closer to him, I was shaking not from nerves, more from excitement. Why? Why? Why had I waited till the last night of the tour to watch him play? I cursed my stupid introverted tendencies as I thought of just how much time I had wasted. I was determined to not waste any more. 

He raised an eyebrow at me and then muttered a quick “Thanks” his tone not unlike how he had spoken on stage, and then he stepped aside ready to walk off again. I shook my head in frustration, at my inability to get my point across to him. 

This must be what love at first sight felt like, lust at first sight? Fuck it. Whatever. I wanted him, I wanted him to be mine. I wasn’t about to let him walk away. “You don’t understand, you are amazing,” I stepped closer to him once more and he didn’t move so I leaned further into his space, my mouth now just above his ear, “let me show you.” 

Then he did move back, his eyes wide as he turned his head away from me and then took a long drink from his water bottle. After capping the bottle he swallowed hard and wiped his face on the towel around his neck before he looked back over to me. “It’s not me, not really. I don’t. It’s the guitar. It’s not. Well, thanks anyway, I really should,” he waved his hand in the direction of the dressing rooms, “you know.” 

He was trying to leave things there, but as he walked off I just followed along beside him, matching his steps as he made his way deeper into the belly of the stadium. The closer we got to the dressing rooms the fewer people there were around. By now most of the backstage crew were on the stage packing up all of the equipment. He stopped abruptly when we reached his dressing room and then turned to me, he was waiting for me to leave before he went inside but I wasn’t finished, really, didn’t he hear what I was trying to say to him? 

“It’s not just the guitar,” I stressed and he opened his mouth to say something, his hand on the doorknob but then he closed his mouth again. “It’s the sound, the image, the imagination, fuck-” I was rambling. “I have two guitarists in my band, I know it’s not just the guitar.” God, it was the way he made me feel.

When he opened the door to his dressing room and stepped inside I walked right in behind him. Like I said before I wanted him. So I closed the door behind me and finally, we were alone. For a second he just stared at me, his icy blues drilling into me. 

Then, at last, he spoke his voice cold and low. “What do you want from me?” 

I barely knew a thing about him, but right then I didn’t care. I stepped closer to him and pushed him back against the wall, he didn’t tell me to stop or to leave, he didn’t react at all. He just kept his eyes locked to mine, a silent challenge. I smiled as I leant in and closed my mouth over his, he tilted his head back and opened his mouth allowing me to deepen the kiss. I felt his hand tentatively run up one of my arms as he flicked his tongue against mine. My head was spinning as I kissed him, I felt almost drunk, dizzy with lust and need, I needed him. More of him, all of him, everything. We pulled apart for air and I just smiled. He was breathing as hard as I was. 

“What are you even doing in here?” He asked, but he made no effort to move, his body still pressed to mine. 

I smiled down at him again and just leaned in to kiss him again, quicker this time, I broke away and then I ran my hands down his front until they caught on his belt buckle. I dropped to my knees and pulled at the belt buckle till it gave way and hung open, I pulled at the button and pulled gently at his jeans, now undone until I was face to face with his half-hard cock.

I looked up at him giving him pause to tell me to fuck off one last time but again, he did nothing. So I reached forward and grasped the base of his cock and pumped it a few times. It wasn’t until I leaned in and licked my way up his shaft that he moved at all. He dropped the water bottle he had in one hand and pressed both of his palms flat on the wall either side of him. His hands make a slapping noise as they hit the wall. I closed my mouth over him completely and started to make my way up and down his now hard cock, my hand moving with my mouth. I made sure to lick at the head as I came all the way back up, tasting just the hint of him over the slit there. I moaned around him when the taste of him hit my tongue, my hands were shaking and my head was swimming, maybe I was drunk, I wanted all of him. 

He thrust his hips forward and hit the back of my throat. Surprised, I choked a little and he moaned out into the room, My heart jumped at the sound. I reached up and grabbed both of his hips and pushed them back into the wall, holding him in place. 

“Fucking hell” He muttered and I began to work him faster. I could feel his hips twitching against my grip and I realised he was getting close. I hummed again as I went and with a few seconds he pushed hard against my hold on his hips and let out a long exasperated whine as he spilled into my mouth coming in waves against my tongue and I swallowed as much as I could greedily. Afterwards, I sat back and grabbed the water bottle he had discarded earlier, I drank down what was left as he adjusted himself. When everything was back where it should be he stopped and looked down at me. 

I sighed and got back to my feet. I had gotten carried away. Maybe this was wrong. “I suppose I should introduce myself? I’m Gerard Way.” I said holding out a hand to him. 

He tilted his head to one side and stared down at my hand. And then walked off towards the mini-fridge that was on the other side of the room. I dropped my hand to my side wand watched as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and then turned back to face me. “I already know who you are, You’re from the supporting act.” He said and then he took a long drink. His eyes not leaving mine. Then he walked back over to me, stopping just a foot away from where I stood and said, “you’re very bold aren’t you?”

I couldn’t help but smile. He had awakened something inside of me I didn’t know was even there, he was the most amazing person I had ever come across and I was fascinated. “Like I said I’m Gerard Way. Maybe you don’t know much about me, but I’m going to change that.”

He raised his eyebrows and stared me down. “And How is that Gerard? I could walk from this room right now-” He pushed gently at my chest walking forward until my back bumped against the wall I had him up against just minutes beforehand. Then he grinned up at me, and tapped his fingers lightly against my chest.“And there wouldn’t be a damn thing you could do about it.”

I slid my hand around his waist and pulled him closer, my hips grinding down into his. I stared deep into his eyes and steeled myself. “It’s true you could walk away, and I would follow you. You could run and I would find you. I don’t care what you want, I want you.” 

The second I stopped speaking his lips were on mine, his kiss was desperate and rough, all teeth and tongue, I could feel it, I could feel his desperation, his want and need a match for my own. He pulled back and stared up at me. “Be careful what you wish for, Gerard. You might just get what you want.”

A shiver ran down my spine as he stepped back and allowed me to walk forward. I did but slowly, my head still spinning, my senses attacked by his words. Drunk, so drunk on him. I traced a finger up the line of his jaw and closed my eyes while I exhaled. When I opened them again to stare into his eyes I whispered: “You have no idea what it is that I wish for.”

Then I left him standing there in his dressing room, without another word. I had to leave, I had to get out of there. I was on overload, my thoughts were coming in thick and fast if I didn’t leave when I did I don’t know what would have happened. I didn’t trust myself anymore, I didn’t trust myself around him. And then I remembered. 

I forgot to ask his fucking name!


	2. The Small Print

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he opened the door he looked completely thrown, his eyes went wide. “Matt?” He gasped.
> 
> "You forgot something when you ran out earlier," I said to him as I pushed him back into the room kicking the door behind me closed with my foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-beta'd because who has the time? I will add tags as the story progresses.
> 
> Matt’s POV

After Gerard left I wondered for a little while if I had just imagined it. My body was still tingling in all the places he had his hands on me. I could still feel his hands on me. I concentrated hard on taking long deliberate breaths in order to quiet the deafening screams in my head. I was blown away, I had never felt so wanted, not in my life. I had given him every exit, every chance to leave while he still could. Leave before he could start something with me that we'd both end up regretting. 

My relationships in the past had never ended well. It was the main reason I tried my best to just stay away from people. I had a tendency to fixate, grow sickening obsessions. It was toxic and unhealthy. I knew how it would end before it really had a chance to go anywhere. Because I always want more than anyone is willing to give me. I'm the type to just keep tugging at that thread deep inside until everything falls apart. I’ll be the one to break them and see who is really on the inside. Needless to say, it usually didn’t go down well. 

There was something different about Gerard. Something I hadn’t seen before, deep in his golden eyes. I wanted to explore the void I saw there, a darkness that I wasn’t sure I could bear, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was he like me? 

The thought crept around in the base of my brain, just gnawing away, sinking its tendrils deep into the crevices of my mind. I had to stop this. It was just a blow job. He was just horny after his set, drunk and down to fuck, that had to be it. Typical lead singer pompous behaviour. But it wasn’t typical, was it? 

His eyes had burned holes into my skin, he had been relentless in his pursuit and I needed to stop it with this train of thought. Needed to stop thinking about the features of his beautiful face, the softness of his porcelain skin, the slight imperfections dotted along his cheeks, the way his nose turned up slightly at the end. And his eyes, the way they caught the light, the depth to them, their ability to communicate his feelings. The way his mouth twisted to the side as he spoke and the feeling of that mouth, those lips. The way he kissed. The way he- Hell. I had to stop this. 

I had made my way back to the hotel at some point and found myself in the hotel bar sitting across from Dom, on my third whiskey, a haze around the edge of my vision. I was well on my way to drunk and that was okay. It had been a few weeks since I had had a drink. The drinks had been doing their job to keep my thoughts from earlier at bay. 

It was nice to spend downtime with Dom, it felt like it had been ages since we had talked. Everything was easy with Dom, we had known each other for so long now there was nothing we couldn't say to each other. There were no secrets between us, he knew everything there was to know about me and I knew everything about him. He was talking about how he thought the tour had gone and how he was looking forward to having some time off. I was about to agree with him but stopped before I spoke. 

A few of the members from Gerard’s band had just walked into the bar. I recognised them despite their everyday clothes and I watched them intently waiting to see if Gerard would trail in behind them. As the three of them found their way to the bar I realised I needed to stop staring. I looked back to Dom and downed the rest of my drink. 

“To be honest I’m looking forward to having time off too,” I sighed and placed the empty glass back down on the table. I couldn't hide my disappointment as the three members started chatting amongst themselves. It certainly didn't look like they were waiting for anyone else to join them. 

“You sure about that?” Dom smiled over at me. “You’re staring at them, Matt. Have I missed something?”

Of course, Dom could tell something was up. He was right, something did happen but it wasn't something that I was ready to share with him or anyone for that matter. Not when I didn't really know what it was just yet. “No, you didn't miss anything, it’s nothing.” 

Dom took a second to study my face. “You are so full of shit Bells,” he said and shook his head softly. “I’m going to get another round, are you in?” 

I thought about it for less than I should have, he had given me an out and I took it. “I'm gonna head up, I’m pretty tired.” No longer interested in numbing my feelings with alcohol, given the sweet lack of impulse control by the very same alcohol I had decided just what I was going to do with my feelings for Gerard. 

Dom didn't comment or pry he just nodded and I left him there in the hotel bar as I made my way to the lobby. I spun some story over the concierge about having something of Gerard’s that I just had to return and was given the number to Gerard’s room without as much fuss as I expected. Sometimes a bit of celebrity went a long way I supposed. 

I shook my hands at my sides and took a deep breath as I stood outside of Gerard’s hotel room door. I was actually going to do this, I was drunk and I was going to do this, I steeled myself. Another deep breath and another, before I finally reached up and knocked on the door. 

At first, there was nothing, no sound coming from the room. I looked down at my watch, it was late but not overly so, maybe he slept early. Worse, maybe he wasn’t in. I had to try, maybe I could get his phone number. I decided to give it one more shot and knocked again, a bit harder. This time I heard the sound of footsteps and then my heart flipped in my chest. 

When he opened the door he looked completely thrown, his eyes went wide. “Matt?” He gasped.

"You forgot something when you ran out earlier," I said to him as I pushed him back into the room kicking the door behind me closed with my foot. 

At once Gerard threw his hands up defensively in front of himself as if he had put an invisible barrier between us. I stopped in my tracks and allowed him to speak. I noticed just how different he was acting immediately. A few seconds passed and he must have realised I was giving him a chance to talk. He swallowed hard and then ran a hand through his long black hair, pushing it away from his face. 

“How did you know? What are you... Wait what is happening?” Gerard said, stumbling on his words. “I forgot to ask your name, felt pretty stupid about it too and just, you know got carried away, but I know it now, your name.. now that is, Matt. Bellamy, Matt Bellamy, you know?” I smiled as I watched him talk, his hands tracing circles in the air, pointing this way and that as he articulated his point. “Not really cool to fucking ask a guy his name after you blow him… I don’t know what I was thinking back there…” Then he stopped talking as if he just realised I was still there and he went back to his deer in the headlights expression. He was completely different than he acted before and it was refreshing to watch as he frayed a bit around the edges.

“You didn’t know my name?” Was all I managed, and that changed so much about what I had already decided I knew about him. “You could have asked me, I would have told you!”

“Why did you come here?” He asked. 

“It's funny you should ask me that now when a few hours ago it was me asking you the very same. It seems things have taken a turn. I came here to return the favour.” 

His eyes darkened and his face relaxed somewhat, gone was the anxious man who had met me at the door and slowly he morphed back into the man that I had met backstage. It was fascinating to watch, as clear as if he had reached up and placed a mask over his face right in front of me. Exactly as I would in his place. _Just like me_ , I was right I was _so_ right about him and I had to have him and his stupid tight pants off immediately.

I pushed him back until he fell back onto the bed with a soft thud, and he grinned up at me, a wicked smile sliced across his features. I climbed up over him and stared down into his wild, hungry eyes. Tugged roughly at his waistband but to my frustration, they barley moved so I leant down to lick at his lips and he moaned as he opened up his pretty mouth for me. He tasted like cigarettes and coffee and something else but I wasn’t sure what. I just knew that I wanted more, more than just kisses from this porcelain faced man. 

I bit down a little on his bottom lip not too hard but not exactly soft either and then broke the kiss to draw a shaky breath. His lips were wet and slightly darker in colour, swollen from the intensity of the kiss and he was breathing heavily. I couldn’t help but muse at how his skin would mark up so pretty for me. He was so beautiful. I wanted to make him perfect. 

I sat back, lower on his thighs and undid his belt and buttons, this time when I pulled at his jeans they slipped easily over his hips and exposed the fact that he was not wearing anything underneath. I gave him a sly grin as I made my way to the floor in front of him and dragged my nails down his shirt as I went. When I reached the base of his cock I grasped it firmly and squeezed it. His cock was thick, hard and throbbed into my fist as I pumped him a few times. I licked my lips before I leaned in to take him in my mouth using my tongue to lap at the head. 

His moans started the second I took him deep, not holding back. His voice was a sweet sound ringing out into the silence of the room and it was music to my ears. So I concentrated on drawing out more of his delicious moans while I continued working him with my mouth. His hands reached out towards me and found purchase as he ran his fingers through my hair holding tight on to the strands, close to my scalp but he didn’t push, just held a hand there. 

"Oh my fucking god," he called out and arched his back off of the bed. “Getting close,” he whined, “Matt, I’m so close.”

I revelled in his cries and attempted to take him deeper in my mouth. I hollow my cheeks around the thick of him, and he started to shake, his thick thighs trembled either side of my head. Then he went still and quiet, his voice lost to the void before he groaned low, barely audible and spilled into the back of my mouth, splashing out in waves and spurts of thick hot come. The sheer volume of it filled my mouth so quickly that I wasn’t able to stop the excess that spilled down my chin. I wiped my mouth slightly and he sat up a little, propping himself up on his elbows and then he looked down over me, his eyes glazed over, smile wide and brilliant, the very picture of bliss. I stared back up at him, I had been the one who put that smile there and I wanted more of that crooked smile playing about his lips, forever. 

“You’re so good at that,” he said flopping back down onto his back. 

“I was going to say the same to you earlier but you left before I could.”

Gerard groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Yeah I had to, I didn’t know your name, I needed to know you were real.” I wondered what he meant by that but decided that it didn't matter yet, not while he was visibly withdrawing despite how close we still were.

"Never leave like that again," I said and made my way up back up over his body. I pulled his hands away from his face and stared down at him. “Don’t do that, don’t hide away from me.” He fascinated me, I couldn’t stop staring. How was he the same? How had I never met him before now? 

“I’m not hiding, not really, I'm just, not used to-” he stopped mid-sentence and I waved my hand off to the side. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain it.” 

I rolled off to the side and laid down beside him, just watching him and taking all of him in. It was too soon for these feelings, too soon to have this tightness in my chest, this pull in my heart. I had to stop this. It was already too much. Mentally I chastised myself for already going this far. I was losing control of my world, my thoughts and my feelings. I just couldn't do this again. 

He fixed his jeans and turned over to one side, facing me, his head propped up on a hand. “I don’t make a habit of going down on people I just met. I’m awkward and not usually confident, you know off-stage. It’s really hard to meet people when you live like we do.”

I reached over and traced my fingers lightly along his cheek and he smiled softly. Such a soft exchange yet I couldn't stop touching him, imagining all the things I wanted to do to him. 

“I should head off yeah?” I whispered, still stroking his face. I had to leave, I couldn’t continue this. I couldn't fall for anyone again, not when it meant I was going to hurt them in the end. I wanted to hurt him, wanted him to want it too but I couldn't do that again. I wasn't even sure if he was into that sort of thing. I didn't need to know. Not really, not if I put an end to this right now. 

His face fell and then he nodded. “Yeah of course,” he got up from the bed and walked towards the other side of the room. He pushed a hand through his messy black mop and watched as I walked to the door. I might have been imagining it, must have been imagining it. It looked like he wanted to say something. I opened the door and turned back, raising an eyebrow at him, it was now or never but he just smiled, a sad almost pathetic little smile.

“I’ll see you around, Gerard.” 

I intended to leave things as they were, to store those memories away somewhere and move on with my life. I decided right then in the hallway of the hotel, walking away from his room that it would be for the best if we both just acted like none of this ever happened. It would be easy after all, the tour was over, we lived in different countries if I was careful enough I could have probably made it so I’d never have to see him again. No matter how much I wanted to. It would be for the best, for both of us. 

Gerard, on the other hand, had different plans.


End file.
